The path to hell, as it’s said, is paved with good intentions. I can only assume the road to Storybrooke’s paved with them twice over by now. Maleficent, The Author, the Charmings’ big secret – all the pieces came together and all thanks to Henry and his magical QR skills. Just about every question got its answer this episode, but it’s just a shame that even Once Upon a Time‘s Best Laid Plans didn’t know what to do with, well, any of them.
If you didn’t think that you could dislike Snow White and Prince Charming any more than you could possibly bare before, than your mind probably won’t be changed much here. We’ve been led to wonder for a while now just what their deal was with Maleficent. It turns out that, just as suspected, the Charmings did something mega-stupid, as is their tendency, and our favorite almost-mommy dragon was none too happy about the empty crib (err, rock crevice?) they left behind. It’s all as predictably dramatic as you’d expect from a Disney show and about as easy for Once to explain away.
Even after her cheer-me-up sob story with Regina, Bauer van Straten’s Maleficent still hasn’t rubbed me the same way as her villainous peers. She’s arguably the most powerful next to Rumple and probably the most damaged, but whether it’s Straten’s stony-faced portrayal or terribly generic script, it all can’t help but feel like she’s just a part of a big “insert tragic backstory.” It’s nice enough that the character might have some renewed maternal investment in the real world now too given one particular revelation. But I still have yet to cross the threshold of thinking of her as “We couldn’t get Angelina Jolie.”
It’s nigh impossible to ignore that it all comes down to, once again, to Snow and Charming, as the two worst casualties of the series’ writing. Whether their obnoxiously positive or obnoxiously negative, it’s just plain exhausting watching them be just that. It’s been seasons since we’ve seen either of them act on much more than impulse and rarely have I seen them struggle so hard to formulate a thought in the territory of, “What do you think ‘NO! My baby!’ means?” While I similarly struggle to know how far a rustic wizard’s authority should reasonably stretch, it’s ridiculous to think of the two as committing infanticide just based on a tip, much less NOT know what dragon offspring come from. Hint: you make omelets out of them.
Best Laid Plans, it seems, is all about good intentions as much as a mother’s broken heart – something not so easily mended when a kid is a part of the equation. While flashbacks have amounted more as filler in this past season, a handy unicorn’s horn offered both of our parents an interesting glimpse into Emma’s murky future then and now. I would’ve guessed Charming can’t imagine much more than the sunshine and rainbows, but it was insightful to see Snow get the bad end of it. Daddies mean fun, after all – mommies mean business. Don’t they?
The modern day provided every opportunity, then, for the Charmings to be the best worst liars I’ve seen. It should be telling that their grandson’s the only one following the Author mystery and at the very least, it was refreshing to see Snow finally admit where her darkness finally started. With baby killing? Big yup. Have courage and be kind, Snow. And Cinderella. Speaking of which, where is she in this series?
That all of our Snow/Charming tomfoolery should come to a head with Emma’s about darn time and something of a deal-breaker for their already impossibly awkward parent/child dynamic with their now 30-something kid. If the series creators aren’t lying through their teeth, it’s going to be hard to believe Emma’s not already on her way to dark-ville, much less without taking the Charmings with her. On that note, it’s curious how distant she and Henry have become in the episodes since the premiere, almost suspiciously so since Regina’s undercover operation. It’s no wonder when his voice is chaining and he’s still called “kid” too, though.
Of course, it’s the storybook that’s been the apple of this season’s eye and door inside of it. In an all-too epic draw-up, Patrick Fischler’s nonchalant cameo pops up out of thin-air as the overwhelmingly empty answer to what’s ultimately made this half-season so intriguing. A suitable match for Rumplestiltskin and a powerful wizard to boot seems like all too fantastic of a character to introduce to this season’s magical ranks. That he’s not Henry is something of a disappointment, but that he’s not, well, anyone in particular is a blatant disservice to August’s poor nose.
What could’ve been is the only mantra I’d find fitting to describe Best Laid Plans. We could’ve learned something about Snow and Charming, we would’ve gotten a moving Maleficent backstory if not for lack of trying, and we should’ve gotten an Author that wrapped everything in a nice, little bow. Alas, Once Upon a Time is just going to be Once Upon a Time sometimes. We can at least thank the high heavens for Rumplestiltskin, because at this rate, he’s going to be an evil solo act before long – that is, if we can’t count on one very wicked witch’s assistance next week.
Once Upon a Time airs Sunday nights at 8/7 Central on ABC. Catch all the latest episodes at ABC.com and all the latest reviews here at BagoGames.