I’m forever astounded at pop-culture’s ongoing ability to get something as lively, petty, and ridiculous as Norse Mythology and then scoop out anything that couldn’t appear in anything less than an 18 rating or is so insane as to baffle audiences. The problem is when you have lore that includes Odin’s pretty boy son, Baldr, being vowed to have nearly every object never hurt him (and therefore the other gods take up throwing things at Baldr as a pastime). After the scooping of the inappropriate, not much tends to be left besides vague pop-culture references like horned helmets. Valhalla Hills continues this pledge to the watered down Viking mythology pop-culture, hoping to charm people with its light-heartedness.
Valhalla Hills, by Funatics Software, is a management game. Odin, sick of people getting into Valhalla with such little honour (note: did they mean valour? I think they meant valour), kicks you out and tells you to create beings worthy of an afterlife of drinking, battle, and TV-soap-esque shenanigans. So, you’ll go from map to map creating small civilizations so you can take on Frost beasts who stumble out of the gate like drunks as they beat your dwarves to death, knock down their fences, and vandalise the sacred monumental stone. Upon the damaging of the sacred stone, you lose out of Viking-grief and must do the map all over again.
To de-head the Frost population, you’ll erect buildings and occasionally ask for more workers and hope, by god will you hope, that the minions do what is required: Deforest the land, leave barren the quarry (fortunately without any environmentalists to complain), and then manufacture resources into what is needed for tools, soldiers, and food. After all, to leave you’ll either need to murder or appease (with items) the monsters who come out the end-portals. You then allocate jobs to your Viking population and watch things develop by themselves.
Now, I have to ask: How many levels do you think it’ll take to get bored of such a formula? Twice? Four times? After all, you’ll be entering each map with the same objective (i.e. open the win-gate, kill or appease the invaders) over and over again with very little indication of a chance of tactics. Each time you’ll create the same buildings, in the same order. The only small adjustments you will be making will usually be an additional cog or three into the machine based on what you’ve unlocked (which fortunately is vast), as well as maybe consider setting up an army sooner rather than later, depending on wandering enemies. So, this often renders the gameplay stale in less time for bread to go green and hard.
If doing the same thing over and over like a 9-5 minimum wage job isn’t enough, you have to operate said gameplay with followers as temperamental as a strung-out musician. The extent of your powers boil down to “make X building,” “Make Y item in building,” and “assign more people to Z building.” Your powers, sadly, do not include reminding your population “THAT THING I TOLD YOU TO DO?! I MEANT TODAY,” firing ones who will not do their job, or reminding them how to carry an object from one place to another. A few times I was left with a starving population because someone couldn’t be bothered to carry a plank to the tool-shed so they can make the tool required for bakers.
Then, rather than die so I can replace the loathsome minions, they decide they’re too hungry to work and instead just lounge about waiting for food to descend to them from Valhalla; This only further justifies Odin kicking people out for lacking honour (still think they meant valour). To say it is wrestling with the AI is to indicate more agency than I had, as it is more akin to programming a VCR in a language you don’t understand, or playing the Vietnamese Pokemon Crystal with feedback that befuddles more than it informs.
Despite all the negatives, this gameplay is depicted with a heart-warming aesthetic style that does lighten up what feels like a drab time. Sometimes it isn’t really too clear what is going on, even with some flitting around with the camera, but whatever must be going on is at least colourful enough to offer a bit of charisma to the game.
However, all this is layered on top of a non-existent narrative. My summary of being punted out of Valhalla is all you have, as each level you’re just dropped onto an island with no introductory text or distinguishing flavour to hint at any form of progression going on (besides the unlocks). I’m not even sure if there is an end. Is there an end? Maybe it is like purgatory; Never ending as you stumble through a foggy forest trying to discover an exit that you attempt to convince yourself does exist somewhere, and that if you continue you must hit it at some point. The only sounds you hear are the snapping of twigs under your feet, the shallow breaths of an indescribable melancholy, and distant malicious sing-song voices and laughter in an unfamiliar tongue…
…Sorry about that, I should probably go to the conclusion. That might be best.
Despite its attempt to offer a light-hearted fun game, Valhalla Hills feels empty. It is a repetitive title that makes you follow the same steps continuously, doesn’t offer enough or introduction to each level, and requires that you try to focus your people like herding cats (or, if you’re Walt Disney, herding lemmings off a cliff for a documentary) into doing the most basic of tasks. For the cost of the game, there are just way too many similar games that do much better at sometimes a cheaper price (e.g. Tropico 3 and 4). Although, if you’ve run dry the selection, well, it’s inoffensive enough to consider picking up on the cheap… I think?
A PC copy of Valhalla Hills was provided by Daedalic Entertainment for the purpose of this review