There’s been a few strange articles out there recently having to do with gamers and relationships.
Most of them discuss gamers’ overall difficulty being intimate (?), advice for gamers’ looking to score with hot ladies, and step-by-step advice on how to be a normal person on a normal date with another normal person (you know, compared to what gamers’ usually do, not normal stuff).
Most of these, to me, seem at best bizarre and at worst insulting.
I realize that we have all been there; it seems like forever since your last real relationship (or in my case, been on a date with someone who doesn’t commit the creepiest of all date faux-pas, trying to lead me by keeping a firm grip on my neck), and reading one of these terrible relationship advice articles begins to sound like a good idea.
If you find yourself skipping down this trail you should probably just stop.
Unless it’s this one…
Gotcha (but not really).
Anyhow, this isn’t a dating article per say, more like a self-esteem booster article for all gamers out there.**
Because the other day I recognized a terribly sad pattern in the majority of my friends and I found myself having the exact same heart-to-heart multiple times with many friends.
The basic run-down of all these heart-to-hearts (which I give to you now in a super condensed version it)
It’s ok to like your video games. It’s ok to love them. It’s not a childish hobby and it doesn’t make you juvenile. Some children do play video games, and some people do play video games in a juvenile manner, but it is a legitimate entertainment industry that can be enjoyed by adults with no shame necessary.
So if you’re with someone who makes you feel ashamed of your love for video games then perhaps explain your situation, and if the person is rigid perhaps reconsider the relationship.
I’m not saying that any relationship is without it’s hiccups, or even that if you’re in a fantastic one right now with a lady who just can’t stand Halo that you need to get out, I’m just saying that we are all entitled to our hobbies, and that video gaming is a legitimate one that need not be hidden.
Perhaps this is something that’s only happening to my age group, or to people on the west coast (or maybe even just to the people who can stand to be around me) but for some reason this appears to be a serious problem in my neck of the woods (and Seattle has a pretty healthy gaming community).
As a staff member for GeekGirlCon, I have heard time and time again how so and so “used” to love gaming, or cosplay, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer– but they had to change when they found their significant other.
Now of course I understand that we all give up a little of our extra -curricular activities when we find a person we can’t help but want to be around more (and this is coming from a girl who turned down Captain of my school’s academic decathlon team for a boy) – none of us are immune to the pulls of love and lust.
But that isn’t what seems to be happening. There appears to be (both direct and indirect) pressure on men and women to abandon “juvenile” hobbies; things they loved while they were single and immature but that must be abandoned when they become “mature” and are in a relationship.
(Which when you think about it is kind of a backwards belief- what is it about having another person who you’re emotionally bound to that makes you more of an adult then when you were just an ordinary, bill-paying, voting, working 25-year old adult?) 
Story Time:
Several of my friends are examples-
One life-long friend of mine (an employee at a major video game company here in Washington and the man who first introduced me to Crash Bandicoot) also recently introduced me to his new wife. She seemed perfectly nice, lovely, and kind- until I asked about said friend’s take on the new Resident Evil 6 demo.
It was like a switch went off. My friend looked to his wife, then to me and sheepishly explained that she didn’t like video games and didn’t appreciate people discussing them in front of her.
First off, this made me feel like I’d casually brought up my newest porn fascination, or like I was spouting some terrible politically incorrect ideological views. But I brushed it off and moved on.
I asked about his job- and she rolled her eyes and sighed loudly. My friend quickly changed the subject to Christmas plans and she immediate became the nice woman from before.
But I was confused. How could a wonderful man like my friend be with someone who tolerated neither his choice of profession or his life-long passion just because they were both gaming related?
Within the last couple weeks I’ve had three other very similar experiences, one where my friend Jason* confessed he’d hidden his gaming habits from his fiancé throughout their entire relationship (because she’d listed it as one of her oh-no-no’s on one of their earliest dates) and was nervous that when they combined households she’d would find out.
Another friend of mine confessed the reason we sometimes went months without online matches was because whenever she was in a relationship her dates never approved of her hobby and so she would just disconnect and hide her Xbox.
Another friend (who used to meet me for bi-weekly Magic: The Gathering matches) looked away shyly at a recent dinner outing as her husband-to be assured me that, Nicole* “really wasn’t into those things anymore.”
And worst of all, one of my best friends just threw away his Sega Genesis and Playstation 3 because his new wife refused to allow a gaming console in her house.
Clearly, I’ve had a lot of long talks the last couple weeks.
Which is why I’m writing this article in particular. We all know that if one partner is a die-hard football fan, and the other can’t stand sports, that this is going to put a strain on the relationship. However I rarely hear of men or women simply giving up their past-times in order to avoid this clash of interests. Why is it that gaming is one of the few hobbies that people can still be entirely biased against?
Perhaps as gamers we are used to people judging us for our interests, or that many of us are wary of conflict and will go out of our ways to avoid it in all forms (at least I am, and I know my friends are) so we remove any problem before it becomes an issue in the hopes of avoiding a problem.
Whatever the case may be, if you or someone you know is in such a relationship I ask you to reach out to them. Don’t tell them to break up, but encourage them to make their own decisions and not feel pressured by their partners (mis?) conceptions of what their hobbies are.
I’ve had several friends find gamer/cosplay/overall nerd partners and end up extremely happy (what’s better than always having a second for Left 4 Dead? Or someone to go to The Lord of the Rings Symphony with you?)
And I’ve also had friends enter into a relationship with someone who has no interest or knowledge of gaming only to become die-hard gamers themselves (myself I have turned two ex-boyfriends).
So let’s all just admit that while love is awesome, so is gaming. So why give up one when you can have both?
There are men and women out there who love what you love, wouldn’t it be worth it to find someone you can really share everything with? Even (in my case) a love for fantasy RPG’s and Sly Cooper?
More importantly, if you really love gaming and find yourself just giving it up so you can be with someone, shouldn’t you be asking what next you might be asked to sacrifice?
Or, if they loved you for who you are, would they even ask that of you?
What do all of you think? Do you know anyone whose had a clash of partner and video game love? Let us know-
*not real names
**This is all totally my opinion and my opinion only- I am not a doctor/psychologist/anything that is qualified to give real relationship advice- I am just a writer and video game fan who wants all gamers (and people) to be in happy relationships that let them be who they are 🙂
