Since Bungie parted ways with Microsoft, gamers everywhere have been anxiously awaiting the company’s first major non-Halo title. Well, the seven year wait is nearly over and patience is a virtue right? What about those of us who are less virtuous? What are we supposed to do?
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Watch Gameplay Videos
Thanks to how easy current-gen consoles have made streaming, there are more Youtube videos of the Destiny Alpha and Beta than you can shake a stick at. Trust me, I’m a professional stick-shaker. Remember, though, watching these videos is like watching porn without being able to “get the poison out”. They may be pleasing to the eye, but watching them for hours literally accomplishes nothing, especially since things are subject to change in the final build of the game anyway. If you find yourself watching these videos while actually clutching a controller and pretending to control the action, just switch over to porn. You’ll accomplish more and it’s less sad.
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Scour the Internet for More Destiny Info
This appears to be the best compromise between productivity and satiating your Destiny desire. Unfortunately, if you’re someone who’d actually read a list of things to do before Destiny launches, you’ve probably already read and reread every bit of factual Destiny news there is on the Internet. If you search any harder, you’re just going to find yourself cruising Destiny erotic fan-fiction sites, and no one wants that in their browser history.
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Put a Dent in Your Pile-o-Shame
“I have no games to play!” cries the average player. Only a cursory glance at your living room shelves or musty garage boxes could dissuade you from that reality. Why not take a bite out of your nightmarishly huge backlog? For a gamer, this is by far the best and most productive option. Sure, beating Wolfenstein: The New Order or Diablo III isn’t exactly the same as playing Destiny, but you’ll feel accomplished and it will expand your gaming repertoire, which is always a good thing. Plus, Diablo III will help scratch your “loot” itch.
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Netflix Binge
Despite technology’s promise to provide us with more free time, the reality seems to be the opposite. Thanks to streaming services and DVR, instead of simply missing episodes of shows, we build up massive backlogs of episodes we never get around to watching. Seize the moment! With the right amount of lazy endurance, you’ve got time to plow through Orange is the New Black, House of Cards, and even Breaking Bad.
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Dive Deep Into the Destiny Universe
While it combines many familiar ideas, don’t forget that Destiny‘s a totally new universe with it’s own lore. You wanna know why The Traveler doesn’t appear to travel anywhere, or why Peter Dinklage is so excited about Wizards on the Moon? Check out the backs of the Grimoire cards you unlocked during the beta via the Destiny mobile app. If that’s not enough, head over to the in-depth Wikia.
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Familiarize Yourself with Bungie.Net
After reading all those Grimoire cards, explore the rest of what bungie.net has to offer. Bungie’s decade-long reputation as a company with a strong connection to it’s community is well-earned. Since Halo 2, bungie.net has been an awesome tool for players to view their gameplay stats in great detail, allowing them to improve their game in many different ways. In addition to viewing stats from The Crucible PvP arenas, Destiny players will be able to view and interact with their character via the mobile app and bungie.net, gloriously making life outside of Destiny cease to exist.
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Exercise
The “gamer physique” stereotype is not flattering one, as proven by the success of the Mt. Dew Game Fuel and the Doritos Gamer Pack marketing campaigns, we aren’t exactly helping it. You know it wouldn’t hurt to shed a few pounds, so do some jumping jacks! Turn your workout into a game by downloading a pedometer app on your phone and try to beat your previous day’s high score. When September 9th does arrive, you’ll be a fool not to give the pizza guy the key to your apartment and a map to the couch, so why not build up a castle to destroy instead of just adding to the flabby rubble?
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Be a Better Person
Before we abandon the real world altogether, we should try to improve it just a tad. Help an elderly person cross the street, save a kitten, or just dump some ice water on your head and post it online. Not only will it (most likely) make you feel like a better person, but you’ll be banking up some good karma. That way, you won’t feel so bad when, weeks from now, you’ll be telling you friends and loved ones to take a hike when they want to spend non-Destiny related time together.
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Stare at the Countdown Clock
For those who already smartly digitally preordered the badass, over-priced, Moon Wizard Vanguardian Edition of their choosing, a countdown timer to the midnight launch is visible when viewing the game in the PSN Store. Watching the clock is literally the least productive thing you can do, but it’s so pleasantly hypnotizing. If you decide to go this route, take it from experience, no matter how long you stare them tick by, those seconds never go by any faster. Damn them!
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September 9th is just around the corner. How will you be passing the time? Tell us all in the comments what YOU’LL be doing for the next two weeks!
